Listening to Billie Holiday

Lately I've been drawing lots of blue stuff, I don't know why... I've also developed my style into new directions.
I haven't written that many melodies but I have tons of unused lyrics just waiting for the inspiration to strike.
I really want to record one particular song I wrote last year, that is really of current interest... I'll have to look into it. This summer I had a recording session with a producer who really liked my voice. We recorded about 10 of my songs in a day, and I still have to hear from him, as he has yet to master them. I hope he'll send them to me during the year 2011...
     It's funny, sometimes I'm convinced that I might actually be okay, that my song are actually pretty good and I can write, I'll be able to earn a living this way... But then most of the time I'm in total despair, because I know I'll never be anything. I remember when I was younger and talked to someone about wanting to become a musician, but being afraid that no one will ever like me. They said: "Just think about for example Muse and Britney Spears. They're completely different but they still have people who listen to them" And I said that I didn't want to be Muse or Britney Spears, I wanted to be The Beatles, Mozart, Freddie Mercury.
At least I've somehow overcome my legend-complex and just try to do things in this short life that make me happy and that I'm passionate about. And I try to be good towards other people and even myself, even if  it's sometimes hard.
The thing is I have to do this, I have to write and I have to sing and I cannot possibly imagine doing anything else, I don't want to do anything else. I have to sing. Or else I'll die. And this sounds overdramatic and childish but I know it's true. If I can't tour and sing and do art I'll wither away and die. I cannot possibly adapt to another kind of life. School bores me, life bores me. But still I know I'll have to finish my education, it's important. I know this sounds like stupid Teen Angst, but I swear it's not really angst, it's a thought that gives me strenght. I hope everyone who reads this have found or will find the path that they want to take in life and do what they want and what they've dreamed.


Peace & Love


- Evan



Viime aikoina olen kehittänyt piirrustyyliäni uuteen suuntaan. Olen myös piirtänyt aika paljon sinisiä juttuja. 
Olen säveltänyt aika vähän mutta kirjoittanut sitäkin enemmän, minulla on hirveästi käyttämättömiä sanoituksia jotka vain odottavat inspiraatiota jolloin yhdistäisin ne melodiaan. Minulla on yksi biisi viimevuodelta jonka haluaisin todella äänittää, sillä se on aika ajankohtainen tänä vuonna. Täytyy katsoa koska on aikaa.
Syyslomalla minulla oli pieni äänityssessio erään tuottajan kanssa joka tykkäsi äänestäni. Nauhoitimme about 10 biisiä yhden päivän aikana. En ole vielä kuullut hänestä, hänen pitää vielä masteroida ja vähän säätää soundien kanssa. Toivon vain että saisin ne biisit takaisin vielä tänä vuonna...
   Se on outoa, joskus olen ihan vakuuttunut siitä että olenkin ihan ok, biisini ovat ihan hyviä ja osaan kirjoittaa, tienaan vielä elantoni tällä keinolla and all that shit... Mutta suurimman  osana ajasta olen ihan epätoivoissani koska tiedän etten koskaan tule olemaan yhtään mitään. Muistan kun olin nuorempi ja puhuin jollekin siitä että haluaisin olla muusikko, mutta pelkäsin ettei kukaan pitäisi minusta kuitenkaan. Tämä henkilö sanoi: "Mietipä vaikka Musea ja Britney Spearsia. Ne ovat ihan erilaisia, mutta molemmilla on oma kuulijakuntansa" johon minä nuorena ja epätoivoisena vastasin etten halua olla Muse tai Britney Spears vaan The Beatles, Mozart, Freddie Mercury...
Ainakin olen nykyään jotenkin päässyt tämän legenda-kompleksin yli ja yritän vain tämän lyhyen elämän aikana tehdä asioita jotka tekevät minut onnelliseksi ja joita rakastan. Yritän kohdella muita ihmisiä hyvin, ja samoin itseäni, vaikka se onkin välillä vaikeaa.
    Juttu on nyt vain se että minun on pakko tehdä tätä, minun täytyy kirjoittaa ja laulaa enkä voi mitenkään kuvitella toisenlaista elämää, en tahdo kuvitella toisenlaista elämää. Minun täytyy laulaa! Jos en voi laulaa, kuolen. Tai niin minusta joskus tuntuu. Koulu kyllästyttää minua, elämä kyllästyttää minua. Mutta tiedän että minun on käytävä koulu loppuun, se on järkevää. Tämä kaikki kuulostaa typerältä Teini Angstilta (isoilla kirjaimilla ja erikseen) mutta ei tämä oikeastaan edes ole masentavaa, vaan antaa minulle voimaa. Toivon että kaikki lukijani löytävät tai ovat löytäneet oman tiensä elämässä, niin kliseiseltä kuin se kuulostaakin. Eläkää! Tehkää sitä mitä haluatte!

xxx

- Evan

The meaning of life is finding your own way of rebelling

Time for a new blogpost!

This weekend has been absolutely exhausting for me, but nevertheless I've had a wonderful time. Friday my good friend had her sweet 17 party and it was quite... wild, to say the least. Although I'm boring and don't usually drink :P
Actually, I'm not at all the partying type. I don't dance, I don't know the songs played in most parties and I don't like drinking. It's weird, if I'm on the stage or out to see a gig, I can go complitely crazy and jump around and look ridiculous and not care at all. I think it comes mostly from my "punk" backround, from the time I was absolutely crazy about punk bands and the lifestyle and the atmosphere. The attitude and the scent of anarchy, you know, just doing what feels right and not giving a shit about what anybody else thinks. Dancing and jumping like an idiot. The music! Actually, it's not about the music the way it's about freedom.

But a party... A typical teenage party... The songs played there, they give me nothing. I just feel like a complete idiot. Everybody else dances and looks gorgeous and I'm a huge stupid fucking whale who doesn't fit in. But not to make this too angsty, I don't actually care. I can sit in the corner and watch everybody else dance and do stupid things they'll regret in the morning. I can laugh at them and drink lemonade and write songlyrics into my mobile phone's 'drafts' file. And I can chat with people. For there's always somebody else who's that way too, so at least I have company. And I can manage to have fun anway. What I do like about parties is that I get to meet new people!

Nevertheless, I left my friend's and her flatmate's place sometime after midnight and didn't get home until 2 am. Not that bad, but the next day I had to go to Tampere to make a document for school's film course with my schoolmate. And I had to wake up at 7am o.O
But it was alright, and actually I had a wonderful time! It was Tampere film festival week and we got to see some wonderful films. I especially liked the animations directed by Jonas Odell. He's also directed music videos for e.g. Franz Ferdinand, U2 and The Rolling Stones! Google him if you want to find out more.

 http://www.tamperefilmfestival.fi/site/

Again I came home about 2 am. And forgot to take any pictures, sorry about that.

So anyway, I'm a bit tired now xD

About music: Last week my friend Kai shot a few video clips of me playing one of my songs, but at the moment I'm too shy to put them up on youtube. Maybe later, if I manage to gather up the courage. :P

Last Tuesday I went out in the morning and took some pictures. It's quite wonderfully unsightly out there at the moment.

A big yay and applause for my non-existing photography skills!

Until next time! Peace & Love <3

- Evan

P.S. A song I'm listening to at repeat at the moment. Amanda Palmer's lyrics and performances never cease to amaze me! Just listen to her when she sings the ending... Gives me shivers every time I hear it.