My room

 Hi!

I thought I'd share some pictures of my room now that it looks almost like I want it to! I only have to make a few yellow pillowcases, buy orange curtains and paint my wardrobe :)

                     WIP Irenen Adler cosplay ;)

Here you go!

xxo

-Evan

Back from the North

I just spent two weeks in the northern part of the country with my family- most of my relatives live there and I got to spend some quality time with them. I love my family and I love spending time with them, but I have to say that during those two weeks I started to really appreciate my home more (especially these three things:
1. My piano!
2.An internet connection
3.No MOSQUITOS!)
In short, I liked my holiday but home is always home :)
I recently got a new iPhone (well, not exactly new, my dad bought a new phone and gave me his old iPhone- even though I insisted that my old phone was working just fine -.-) and I'm starting to think it's ok after the doubts I had at the start of our "relationship"... I still hate phones with touchscreen (How do you WRITE with that thing?!) but having an ok camera and a music making tool with me at all times is proving to be quite convenient. So here are a few pictures I took with my new iPhone.

 

 

 

 

 

Ahh the idyllic nature of Finland, right? And a bit of Sweden too... The last two pictures are of a really cool Swedish veteran car that my godmother almost bought! Luckily she didn't, you'd have to be a mechanic to be able to care for a car that old!

Stay tuned for a huge suprise regarding music any day soon ;)

Finally, here's me at my grandmother's cottage almost without makeup (except lipstick and eyebrow pencil -.-)!

Don't wanna be completely faithless

I'm letting go.
There's only on way to go, and it's up.
For better or for worse.

Sometimes I know I'm not going to make it

I'm feeling melancholic. The world is shifting and turning and twisting so fast, and there are so many talented and not so talented people out there. There are people who are doing exactly the same things that I do, living the life I want to live. I have an unhealthy obsession. I have always lived on the edge. I have to be the best. Nothing else will do. I will work until I collapse, I will play until my fingertips bleed. And still I haven't done enough. I am jealous and bitter. I am tired, I'm exhausted.
In less than 12 months I'm going to be legally an adult. My brain is accusing me of being a fuckup, a failure. I am not as succesful as I was supposed to be at this age. I was supposed to finish my first novel when I was 9. I'm running out of time. I was supposed to be a fucking child genius. I remember when I was 12 and saw the movie Amadeus. It hit home hard. I immediately went to my room and didn't stop playing the piano for 5 hours. I wept and wept and my wrists hurt like hell. Because I couldn't fucking play like Mozart played.
I was Salieri every time someone else got the solo right from under me. I didn't even know why I felt so bad. I didn't even have the courage to sing in front of people, let alone let people hear me singing my own pathetic little songs. I didn't have the guts to let people or even myself know how much I wanted it. I wanted it so bad it hurt. How can he/she, who thinks it's a nice hobby to sing be BETTER than me, who would die if I didn't have music. It just wasn't fair. It isn't fair. It never will be.
I doesn't matter. It means nothing that I have written over a hundred songs over the years. I had composed a musical and enough material for several records by the time I was fourteen. But it doesn't matter at all if I'm never going to be heard. I draw and write and I frantically fill a notebook after a notebook with drawings and words. But it's never good enough. At one point it destroyed me. I couldn't create anything at all, from the fear it wouldn't be good enough (which it wouldn't have been). Over the last two years I have written 5 songs. 5 pathetic songs. And hours and hours worth of random pieces from here and there, that I didn't have the guts to work into a full lenght song.
I feel the pressure taking over me. It's so dark in my mind that I become scared of myself. I fall asleep on the floor where I'm crying and desperately trying to write or play the guitar. And in the morning the sunlight slowly fills my room and I finally calm down. Heart full of light again.

The first picnic of the year and other stories

So, I recently had the first picnic of the year! Which means that the summer is officially on! At least for me. I refuse to call this spring anymore, I've always hated spring. All my worst depressing thoughts always occur during the spring, and I refuse to be unhappy any longer. Life is truly getting a bit easier. I hope it will last.
Summer is always good. Maybe it's a case of nomen est omen- my last name literally means Summer-ish

So here are a few pictures of spring summer, with love:

I also made some silly jewelry out of hama beads with my sister. I do not claim to have thought of all the ideas used. Blame the internet!

                                                            It's a Mario mushroom!

                                                                     A tiny piano <3

                                                                         A rainbow

                                                                      A watermelon

                                                             A set of pacman ghosts

                                                                     A cupcake    

                                                                    Two cassettes
                            (very nostalgic, my generation is propably the last to ever use cassettes...)

                                                            A bunch of mini-keyboards
                                         (My sister wanted to do one for each Vocaloid -.-)

                                               And last but not least, a Superman logo!

Making jewelry is quite fun, so you will propably be seeing more and more of my "awesome" creations in the future...

Music stuff is still uncertain, I'll keep you updated if anything happens ;)

Love, peace and understanding <3

xxx Evan

New favourite shirt...

You can count on me to misbehave

Yeah, life is treating me reasonably at the moment. A long time illness got me a few weeks ago and trapped me inside my house, so in a way things have been quite sad, but I'm coming over it and I'm moving towards the light-side of life again. What's more is that I heard some pretty exciting news about my music-project. There has been some talk about gigs this summer, nothing is set in stone yet, mind you, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed and hoping for the best. My terrible writer's block seems to have started to pass too, so that's pretty nice.
I've been able to compose some decent melodies and as always, writing lyrics comes somewhat naturally to me. Even in my darkest hours I can't stop writing, it seems to be some sort of mechanism in me, even when I'm not writing I'm thinking about something "poetic" and when a song comes out of me, it comes out in a sudden burst, I've even written whole songs on a bill note because it was the nearest piece of paper I found (even if I've tried to organize my ways... But I'm sort of hopeless in organizing stuff).

I've also been capturing some signs of the approaching spring with my camera and I thought I'd share them, since it seems that at least in Finland we've taken a step back towards winter, which is quite depressing. We need more light, life and love! Not annoying wet and grey snow in the half-melted sidways.

My dad suprised us and bought us flowers! I love to have them in the house so it was a really nice suprise :)

 So at the time of Easter here in Finland, young kids will dress up, usually as witches and go "virpomaan" with some decorated willow-branches. They go from door to door and ask for candy in return of the branches. It's a similar tradition as Halloween in USA and it has long roots in our history.

Now, not to make this post completely irrelevant I thought I'd share you some of the best new music I've found lately:

I adore Marina from Marina and the Diamonds! She dresses eccenetric and has this sort of quirky personality BUT she also writes good music with thought-out lyrics and real message. I hope she does well with this new album! I'm glad for her :)

One of the strongest new-Finnish acts in my oppinion! Even if this isn't exactly the kind of music I listen to, I still think she has very much potential and the song is a fresh, honest pop-song. And it's great!

Found this randomly while surfing around the internet and it's GORGEOUS! Love the sound (as you see I'm more drawn to lighter and "pop"-music lately. But don't worry, I'm still more of a rock/punk chick at heart) and the originalty!

Love love love love Bitter Ruin. They're great, and you should defenitely check them out if you haven't already.

That's all my lovely non-excistant readers
Peace and Love, heading towards summer!

-Evan